I come from an upper middle-class family of six, and we were very close to one another. Neither of my parents ever used drugs and I never saw either of them drink while we were growing up. I was never exposed to drugs or alcohol, never experienced any traumatic events, and I was never abused or neglected either while growing up. I never wanted for anything because my parents are two hard working, loving people. They worked a lot but they were both home every night before I went to bed.
I had always struggled with self esteem; I was always the pretty, popular one but I had a secret. I cried myself to sleep every night because I hated myself. I don’t know why; I was always well liked, I always dated the best looking guys, just something inside myself hated me.
As a teen, I thought I was grown. So when I was 18, I moved out with some girlfriends. I lived the party life when I moved out. I drank and smoked weed and experimented with mushrooms and ecstasy. I just dabbled- nothing out of control. When I was about 22, I got into a car accident and was prescribed percocet.
That was the beginning of my downfall. I was addicted before I knew what addiction even was. I was going through withdrawals and didn’t know what was happening to me. I thought I had the flu and I didn’t realize I had a full-blown addiction without even trying. I mean… I was prescribed them by a doctor, they couldn’t be bad for me right? Well, I was wrong.
It was then I started finding percocet anywhere I could. I’d buy them, con doctors into giving them to me, steal them from people; whatever it took. I’d spend hours at the ER faking injuries just to get them. I had a couple surgeries, teeth pulled. I went to all extremes.
I hid my addiction from my family for many years. If I was going through withdrawal, I didn’t leave the house or allow myself to be around anyone. It got to the point where I knew I needed outside help to quit because I couldn’t quit on my own. So, I went into treatment- my first of many treatment stays. I was there six days, just long enough to get over the withdrawal. I didn’t receive any advice on how to quit or what to do next.
I left and went right back to taking pills. Again, I was in full-blown addiction, but now I knew that I needed them everyday to be able to function. I spent my days searching, coming up with schemes and doing whatever it took to get them. I spent years being addicted to percocet and then I moved on to something much worse: crack cocaine.
This was the end of my downfall. I almost lost everything I loved due to this evil drug. I stopped talking to all of my friends, my family, all the people I loved. I stole anything and everything from everyone I knew. I lied to everyone and conned them out of money. I had thousands of excuses. This is the drug that took over my entire mind, body, and soul. I needed this drug more than I needed air to breathe. I lived and breathed this drug. I didn’t sleep due to this drug. None of my friends wanted me in their lives, my family cut me off, I wasn’t allowed in anyone’s home, I wasn’t invited to parties, and I couldn’t care- I wasn’t capable.
My history with drugs lasted over 12 years and ended in November 2013. I stole a check from my father and cashed it for thousands of dollars. I spent it all on crack in 6 days. During these six days, I didn’t sleep a wink. You can imagine that I was going crazy due to lack of sleep… plus the crack- I was literally going insane. I remember when I ran out of drugs and money I wanted to die. I called the police telling them I didn’t want to live. I was literally in hell at this point. I didn’t know what to do and I’d never felt so low and alone in my entire life.
I was taken to a ward of the hospital for suicide watch. I was there a couple of days when I got the call that I wouldn’t be going home; I’d be going to jail. I was arrested for writing the stolen check. My mom had brought me shoes because I had lost mine, and she watched me being arrested, put in handcuffs, and taken to jail. That was the absolute lowest point of my entire life. What mother wants to watch their child be arrested?
That was the day I woke up. That was the day that I decided to get my life back together. I had lived 12 years in absolute hell and it was time for a change. That was the day my new life began… my brand new great life where I feel amazing and so good about myself. I have slowly gained back my family and my friends and their trust in me. My life is better than I could have ever imagined and I don’t need drugs to feel this way.
One thing I learned from my experience is that doing drugs leads you to a sad, lonely life. People do drugs to make them escape their lives but in reality you start hating yourself and the person you have become. Your life is worth more than drugs. You rule your own life; don’t let drugs become the ruler in your relationship with yourself.
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